Christmas baubles I ©martinak15/Flickr
The holidays are a hectic period for many people. But the higher than usual levels of social and sensory stimulation can make them especially challenging for highly sensitive introverts. Though it can sometimes be challenging, ultimately Christmas is here to be enjoyed – to unwind, relax, and have fun with loved ones. Most of these tips are pretty commonsensical, and I’m sure many sensitive people use them naturally anyway, perhaps without even realising. Still, I hope some of them will help some of you not only to better cope, but also to thrive through these few weeks.
Take Breaks
A big part of keeping yourself healthy and happy at this time of year (like any other) is simply not to let your energy reserves drain away – often easier said than done! The exact amount of sensory input or socialising that someone is able to take is obviously highly personal. It’s important to get into the habit of recognising signs of tiredness and irritability in yourself, so you can take the necessary steps to recharge or slow your energy drain before things get progressively worse!
Taking even short breaks of 5 to 15 minutes spent alone in a quiet place is often enough to provide a sufficient energy boost to allow you to carry on and ensure you keep having fun. After taking a break you’ll feel refreshed, be thinking more clearly, have more energy for being around people, and people will enjoy being around you more as well.
What sort of breaks could you take?
Of course, it depends where you are and who you’re with. If you’re entertaining in your own home, there are all sorts of possible reasons for excusing yourself to another room – to cook, to clear up, to check on or fetch something, and so on. However, you don’t actually need to have anything specific to do. You could just make up an excuse and then go take a 20-minute power nap. The best strategy though is probably to do some combination of the two, so that you’re not “lying” about doing something you’re not. Excuse yourself to do something – even if it isn’t essential – and then spend longer doing it and rest a bit before and after.
When you’re out or at other people’s homes, it’s often much harder to step away. You could spend a little longer than necessary on a bathroom break, provided there aren’t people waiting. You could volunteer to pop out to the shops to get anything that’s needed. If all else fails, seek out quieter spots such as a terrace, garden or kitchen that is a little removed from the main gathering.
If you’re really sensitive and truly struggle to keep your energy levels up and the overwhelm at bay, it may be worth letting (the right) people know. It’s not really a big deal, and if something so small as taking a 10-minute break is going to make a big difference to you, it’s worth doing.
As a side note, there’s also really no need to make up excuses for why you’re taking a break if you don’t want to. Why pretend that you’re doing anything other than napping or spacing out staring at a wall? This is how some people are built and the more others can understand and accept this the better for everyone.
Find “Alone Together” Activities
Seeking out “alone together” activities to do with others is a great way to pack in plenty of family and friend time whilst minimising the energy-draining effects associated with being around people. When you’re engaged in some sort of activity with other people there’s less need to always keep the conversation flowing, and communication is generally more natural and laid-back. Watching a movie, taking a hike, making crafts, putting up decorations, and reading or writing in the same room are all good examples of being social in a much more relaxed and indirect way.
Preparation and Order
There are people who do not lead their lives with much routine or structure, either because they struggle to or because they prefer not to. Embracing spontaneity is important. Being too rigid can easily annoy others, as well as cause you unnecessary stress as plans inevitably go array. Having said this, preparation is an important tool that many highly sensitive introverts people rely on.
I’d suggest mentally preparing yourself in the run up to Christmas so you can get your head around what to expect. This is clearly much easier if you’re the one hosting and controlling proceedings. Even if you won’t be able to exercise much control, try to plan out in your head what each day will look like. Before you go to bed or just before you get up in the morning is a good time to do this exercise in anticipation. It also helps you build appreciation and excitement for what’s to come!
If you know you have several days’ worth of social engagements or a particularly long family lunch, anticipate it well in advance. Highly sensitive people generally dislike anything too unexpected or sudden, so this mental preparation can really help minimise any stress. I’d also recommend establishing an end point to all the socialising and look forward to the point when you’ll be able to claim some alone time to relax or work on your personal projects.
Another important area where preparation and prior planning comes in use is Christmas shopping. Don’t do the bulk of your shopping for presents or even food at busy times (especially Black Friday or in the week leading up to the 25th). Get it done in late November if possible, and this should go a long way towards reducing stress in the lead up to Christmas.
Alternatively, have a go at making your own gifts. Don’t worry if your artistic abilities aren’t quite up to scratch – it’s the process and the thought that counts. Homemade gifts work out cheaper, are fun to make, and are far more personal. Another alternative is to opt out of gift-giving shenanigans altogether. Try to get your family and friends on board as well so you can all save money and you’re not left receiving gifts without giving any. It’s a massive understatement to say that the world could do with a little less consumption, materialism and waste, especially when it comes to unnecessary tat, and this time of excess is a great place to start. As cheesy at it sounds, give to those around you in other ways, with your time, help, love and creativity.
Identify Stressors
If you’re aware that certain things stress you out, try to do your best to avoid them. Whether they be particular noises, traffic, crowds, TV adverts, uncertainty, certain people or specific habits in people, bright lights, weird smells, or lots of movement and commotion around you, simply being aware of what is bothering you is half the battle. If you can’t pinpoint exactly what is contributing to your stress levels, spend some time thinking about it or even researching some of the common sensitives. When you feel stressed, pause to take stock of what is happening around you or what has just happened. A loud noise? Someone speaking with a harsh tone of voice? A sudden change of plans?
When it comes to keeping stress and tiredness at bay, do your best to remove yourself from the source if you can do so without too much hassle. Unfortunately, though, a lot of things that bother sensitive people are just normal unavoidable parts of everyday life. Talking to understanding people around you will certainly help though. You can also adopt certain strategies – earplugs, headphones, especially warm comfy clothing, sunglasses, hats – that help minimise sensory input, especially when you’re out and about.
A big part of dealing with stress is simply expecting and accepting a certain degree of it at such a hectic time of year. Even if there’s not much you can do about the noise and other sensory stimulation around you, at least you can understand why you feel the way you do and perhaps explain it to those around you as well.
Avoid Multitasking
Multitasking is a sure-fire way of draining your energy quicker than need be. You’re less likely to accomplish your tasks well, making more mistakes alone the way, taking more time, and also feeling more stressed as you do them. To be sure, in some situations multitasking is unavoidable, such as when you need to look after kids and accomplish some task at the same time. But as a general rule try to focus your attention on one task or goal at a time.
A big source of potential multitasking-related stress for me is cooking and being in the kitchen in general. I love to cook, especially at such a festive time of year. But cooking does involve a fair amount of concentration, balancing multiple activities, and constant attention-switching, especially with complicated or unfamiliar recipes. I usually cope just fine with this, though it can get quite tiring after an hour or two of intense baking. What I do struggle to deal with is any noise or movement around me from other people when I’m trying to cook. Sometimes even having music playing in the background is too much. I basically lose focus, lose the flow of the recipe and start doing things randomly without really meaning to.
If you’re like me in the kitchen, or there’s another area of life where introducing more stimulation significantly increases the difficulty of the task, do your best to find some quiet alone time for this activity. In terms of cooking, what I find really useful is to make stuff well ahead of time, usually from late November onwards. A surprising amount of food can be frozen and this also leaves you with more time to relax in the run up to Christmas. Of course, all of this applies only if your kitchen is a busy place during the holidays. If it isn’t, it could be the perfect place to retreat.
Relax, Christmas Shouldn’t be a Chore
This final point risks contradicting some of what I’ve just said. But I think that quite a lot of things in life are all about finding the right balance which sometimes involves doing contradictory things.
Whilst doing your best to plan ahead, be productive, control your environment and eliminate stressors, remember that Christmas is also about relaxation, spontaneity and fun – whatever these things mean to you.
Whilst it’s important to try to manage things to increase your comfort level, also try to embrace a certain degree of flexibility, spontaneity and humour. We can’t fully control our environments, and we certainly can’t control other people. Acceptance is especially important at a time of year with so much going on. It’s all about trying to achieve a balance between dong your best to make things pleasant for yourself and those around you (sometimes a balancing act in itself) and just learning to let go, leave things to the fate and accept what comes your way. You don’t want to accept things that make you uncomfortable or miserable, even if they appear impossible to change. But a big part of happiness is also about living in the moment and just letting things happen.
This time of year is a great opportunity to forget about normal routines and problems, and to just let loose a little. This doesn’t have to be in the standard way of “letting loose”, through drinking, partying, overeating, or whatever. Don’t feel guilty about skipping a drinks party if you’re not in the mood. It’s stating the obvious, but Christmas is your holiday as well, so make plenty of time to relax and do the things you enjoy at least half of the time. Try not to let yourself be dictated by society’s conventions. There should be no need to throw a party, put up bucket loads of decorations or buy expensive gifts, if none of this truly makes you happy. Otherwise, what are we all doing it for?
I think the best thing to do at Christmas is to relax mentally and to do the things that help you get to this place, preferably things that are good for you! Here are some ideas… Eat well, but eat healthily and in moderation (these things aren’t mutually exclusive!) Get out into nature, for exercise, fresh air and plenty of sunlight. Snuggle up with your loved ones, have long conversations and play games, rather than slumping in front of the TV all evening. Take a bubble bath, go hiking, journal, read, create, photograph, bake, meditate, travel. Whatever it is you love to do, I think we should all be taking the opportunity to do it at this time of year.
It may seem like a big must to prepare an elaborate Christmas lunch, to make sure everyone is entertained, to get the right presents, and generally create a perfect experience. But perspective is key. This time next year, and even more so in five years’ time, you’ll barely remember what happened. Ultimately, life is far too short, so do your best to relax and enjoy yourself as long as you can!
How about you? Of course, all of this advice is from my own perspective. Everyone has different thoughts and experiences, so I’d love to hear about any challenges you face this time of year, and your tips for dealing with them. Just leave a comment below!
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